ShareTHE good news is that James O’Neill, 28, of Cleethorpes, will not be jailed for assaulting two men – leaving both with fractured bones – because he’s off to Australia. O’Neill’s not being deported – he’s going there on his own free will.

ShareDENNIS Davis, 40 and his wife Kerry Ann Graham, 34, would have gotten away with selling pirate CDs on their Kempton Park stall had they not illustrated the covers with one of their faces.

ShareJOHN Ridley, 32, of Kings Heath, Northampton, is in Northampton Magistrates’ Court accused of possessing images of a person having sex with a gorilla.

ShareMIRANDA Chapman, 43, of Doomgate, Cumbria, was masturbating in her car as she overtook lorry driver Jonathon Kitchen between Carlisle and Shap at around 4pm on May 13.