The best job title on earth?

Boss? How come you’re in the office reading crime reports on such a nice day?

Are you kidding, Lamar? This is what I’ve been waiting for! Look at the photos of this suspected arms dealer, Viktor Bout, also known as the “Merchant of Death.”

So what? I don’t get it, Boss.

I’ve ALWAYS wanted to be known as the “Merchant of Death,” and now the title is open! I’ve just picked up 10,000 new business cards. See, “Merchant of Death,” embossed, right under my name!

Listen, Lamar, now I can get those “Merchant of Death” vanity plates! And I can call a restaurant and say, “This is the Merchant of Death, I’d like a table by the window…”

Er, Boss?

Think about it, Lamar! On Career Day at my kid’s school they’ll say, “Class, we have a very special visitor today, Ethan’s daddy, the ‘Merchant of Death.’”

Boss, I hate to burst your bubble, but this guy in the photos is only a suspect. What if he’s released? He’s gonna wanna be the “Merchant of Death” again.

Holy crap, Lamar. You’re right! I didn’t think of that! Quick, grab a Magic Marker and help me change these business cards!

What do you want ‘em to say now, Boss?

Make them say, uh, “Merchant of Venice!”

Gee, it ain’t the same, Boss.